perfection
This is exactly the way i feel. It feels like I could have written it myself. Only my writing would not be as good. I just spent my last 20 bucks on this book and I am so impressed with it. I feel bad about it though. I don't feel normal. I'm going to go back to school wearing the same clothes and i feel perfectly fine about it. Becasue I have this new book and I feel like I can face the world as long as it is by my side.
I called Amy Sonnie a few days ago. A couple of yeays back she edited this wonderful anthology called Revolutionary Voices. I have decided that i would be interested in editing a follow-up. Or would I? I have so many ideas i my head and I just don't know what to do with them. Last year I decide that I wanted to edit an anthology. It really did not have any theme I just wanted to do one. I wanted to have a big stack of work by other people that felt like me. I wanted to be responsible for it too. It was a great experience because it led me to the zine scene and it led me to get to know some wonderful people. I just don't want to waste this women's time. It's a really big commitment and I'm not sure if I'm "up to the challenge". Will i really want to do that a year from now? Should I just stick to my little zine? The same little zine that practlically no one reads. The same zine that I am scared to send to Alix olson because I'm afraid she'll regret letting me use her poem. Maybe she'll look at it and love it or maybe she'll look at it and cringe and throw it in the garbage. Then send me a fake not about what she like about it. I don't want that. Secretly I want perfection.