bum rush
you are a breath of fresh air that bum rushes my lungs. When you walk away I am suffocated and stiffled by the mediocrity of his love. - me

untitled
sometimes i get so lonely I just don't know what to do with myself. It seems like all I ever do is stay up all night writing poetry or reading or listening to ani difranco. This is my life. I want more. I want passion, excitement, lust, something. I don't want the feeling of disapointment again. Thats all I ever seem to get now a days. My mother is working my last nerve. I'm trying to have as much patience as i possibly can. She thinks I'm being a bitch now, well, this is only the beginning. I really wish I could be the daughter she expects me to be but she lost that a long time ago.

Cleveland peoples
people that know me are reading my blog. I'm not sure how I feel about that exactly. I mean, that is the freakin point. There is just something that makes me really uneasy about people that know me in the flesh knowing my inner most thoughts. And I really am a nice person so I don't want to overly offend someone.

2/13
so I just came back from this slam. This guy who I'll call Taz ripped my shit to pieces. Partly because he IS fierce as hell and partly because I can't freestyle and I only had one poem with me. I really need to memorize my shit. However, I will come back fierce as hell on march 6th. With a fierce ass partner at that. I have this poem called Reality that I really think has the potential to kill his shit. The thing is, I have a lot of trouble writing new material. Mybe i should just revise some of my old stuff.

Fuck u and ur untouchable face
I really, really, really want to be with this guy. The thing is, I don't even know why. There is just something about him that is so sexy and appealing. Plus, he doesn't seem like a complete and total asshole like my ex was. This other guy friend I have said that I should just stop teasing him and let him fuck. Yeah, that would be cool if I didn't have morals and a fucking mind of my own. I can't just ket every guy that smiles at me or shows me a little attention come inside of me. Sex is cool and all but I need to be stimualted outside of the bedroom as well. I need to check this guy out a little more. See how he treats his mama, does he have respect for girls? Will he hit it and quit it? Is he smart, is he stupid? Does he have goals? Shit, do i even like him enough?

feb.5th
I saw this girl that I had a huge crush on last year. I'm glad that shit is over. I was such a pest. This girl I knew fucked her and I was really jealous.

Sexy stuff( stuff that gets me excited)
Avril lavigne
tattoos
thin butch lesbians
clea duvall
shory hair and long hair
piercings
girls in black
guys with soft lips
men with tattoos
men with big.... vocabularies
Will smith with guns in his hands
girl on girl action

KeKe
Yeah, So I met this girl named keke at this party. She is so fine... really easy on the eyes. I have been writing diary entries about her for the past couple of weeks and here is what I came up with.

Jan.17th Stupid, stupid, stupid! I saw the girl from the party and I said nothing to her. I wanted to, I had every intention to. But when i walked up to her the words wouldn't come out. I wanted to walk up to her and kiss her but I couldn't. Thats how sexy she is. I wanted to rip off her clothes right there in the store. But I'm just chicken shit. I swear that if I see here again i am going to ask her for her number.

Jan.26th On saturday I went downtown to shop after work. I saw her again. Well, I didn't completly freeze like I did last time, which is an improvement. We said HEY as we walked past each other. I spent the bulk of the day circling the mall trying to find her. Then I went to Victoria Secret and bout some lacy black underwear because if I saw her again I wanted to be carring a victoria secret bag. Finally, defeated I decided to go home. As soon as I started to walk down the stairs I saw her come down the escaltor. So I was like alright this is my chance. I went and asked her about this girl I thought she hooked up with. She said that they had talked but nothing further then that. So, at that point I just said fuck off to my shyness and asked her for my number. Then we exchanged numbers. She called me yesterday.

My top ten
Here is a list of my top 3 everything

Actresses
1. Clea duvall
2. Angelina Jolie
3. angela BASSETT
THATS ALL i CAN THINK OF FOR NOW

poets
1. nafeesa monroe
2. saul williams
3. vince robinson

movies
1.foxfire
2. but I'm a cheerleader
3. dangerous minds

because I can
hey. SO I went to kinkos the other day and printed up about 11 zines. They came out alright except that some of the words on the pages didn't come out good. Well, I don't want to send them out because it's not a very good product like that. I don't want to waste the either. So I decided to send them to distros. The I realized that I shouldn't be sending f-ed up copies to people I want to distro it. I decided basically to send two copies to two girls who sent their money in. I will also refund their money too. I told this guy I wanted to fuck him. Not because he is sexy(which he is) or because I like him and definatly not because I love him. Becasue I can. He wants to and I just kind of want to see how far I can take him. I'll probably change my mind in a day or two. Besides, there is this guy that I really like and he likes me too and I don't want to have sex with some other guy and have him look at me in a different way.
I just saw the movie foxfire. Angelina Jolie was so amazing in it. Of course she is amazing in everything sge does. But Foxfire was so powereful. When I saw her and the way she delivered the lines I said" Yes, that is what I want to do" SHe just comes alive on the screen and wraps me up in her. Besides that, the sneaky lesbian undertones were wonderful too. I have to but the book. I'm really enjoying this having a job thing. It's nice to have money on the regular. Even though I don't shop a lot. I just got my nails done for the first time. I bought a pair of boots because I thought they were cute and I'm going to buy some Victoria's Secret tomorrow. Life is peachy.